In 2021, I am taking body positivity to a new level. Mid December, I launched The Zazzy Zaftig online boutique, catering to women of larger sizes. Our specialty is vintage and upcycled fashions for the discerning plus size woman. Our mission is to bring you body positive, woman affirming, planet friendly fashion offerings.
Too often, when one walks into a consignment shop, resale shop or thrift store, you’re convinced life stops at at a size XL dress and a size 10 shoe. That’s simply not the case. There are fabulous, stylish gently used, new-with-tags and upcycled pieces available. At The Zazzy Zaftig, my mission is to find them and bring them to you.
For a few years now, I’ve wanted to create a fashion venture. I decided on resale for a few reasons.
Global supply chains of fast fashion rely on the labor of woman and children for their profit margins. Even if a global brand does check working conditions, the fact of the matter is that Third World labor is the bulk of the fashion workforce of fast fashion.
Transporting and manufacturing fast fashion pieces globally taxes the environment. Offering high quality resale and upcycled pieces to the community gives us all the opportunity to lessen our carbon footprint.
Great style is timeless. Fashions and fads change.
Here’s a look at some of our offerings on Pinterest!
I hope you check out some of our great pieces! For checking out this blog, get $5 off your order of $40 or more with the code : BLOGSALE
It flared up all of the sudden. I opened my mouth to yawn and my jaw seemed like a creaky, old door, the muscles stiff, the joint popping. I iced it all evening and took pain pills. It was possible to still speak, but annoying to do so. I had almost forgotten what TMJ felt like.
Earlier yesterday, and I mean 4:40 AM early, there was an earthquake in nearby Pacoima. I felt it. I jumped out of bed. The day started stressful and somehow, despite my mental stress being allayed, it seemed that stress had landed into my vulnerable jaw.
I’ve had TMJ most of my life. It’s not a new thing. What’s new, though, is my understanding that it flares up during stress. Though yesterday was hectic by any account, I was reminded that mind and body are one. They communicate and interface. My body was telling me that though I had rationalized my stress away (seemingly) it still hadn’t been thoroughly dealt with.
I wake up today with pain that’s less intense. That’s a good thing. Time to slow down, face fears gently and baby that jaw some more. Pain and suffering are not the same thing, though we often connect and interchange them in daily discourse. If we listen to our pain and get curious about it and attentive to it, we can heal ourselves more deeply and thoroughly.
Today, I am thankful for my jaw pain, because pain can be my teacher if I choose this.
It think it’s time to reclaim the word “fat” this Fat Tuesday. The “fat” of Fat Tuesday is happy. It’s a last hurrah before a long fast. It’s the celebration of bounty. It’s excess and indulgence. It’s happy. In the case of “Fat Tuesday” we are supposed to be happy.
I’m not defending obesity. I’m not minimizing the diseases that obesity exacerbates. I just want to complicate “fat” a bit. Instead of saying “She (or) he is fat,” as if it’s an existential state, inherent to the person, like character or temperament, can we be more compassionate AND clinical? “She (or) he is experiencing obesity.”
Indeed, obesity and the struggle with it is an experience. If you’ve ever combed through a Ross rack at midnight trying to find a decent plus size dress, you’ve had the obesity experience. If you’ve ever watched plus-size loved ones yo-yo diet and cycle through success and failure, you’ve had the obesity experience. If you’ve ever been starved for something in your life (love, attention, respect) and found a short-term substitute at the bottom of a pint of ice cream in the middle of the night, you’ve had part of the obesity experience.
I’ve been every size from a 6 to a 20W, and even when I was thin, I wasn’t happy. I was panicked about regaining the weight. It made shopping easier, sure, and I felt noticed. However, keeping the weight off was my entire life. It was a full-time job on top of the job I already had. Thinness is not happiness. Happiness is happiness. We all struggle with happiness, thin or fat.
The word “fat” has bedeviled me my whole life. “Pretty for a fat girl,” “too fat”, “too fat for the role,”–just a few of the many things I’ve heard. Behind that “f” word “fat” is another “f” word, that often follows close by and is implied, “failure”. Being “fat”, or more compassionately, experiencing “fatness” does not mean you are a failure. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, or lack will power. We ALL experience failure. The pitfall is making experiences into identities.
Many of those who have been conditioned to be ashamed of their fatness have also been conditioned to hide. How many of us retreat to the back row of a group photo because we don’t care to be seen from the neck down? Too many.
Fat tropes have been around for centuries. I think of Shakespeare’s Falstaff, that repulsive, yet humorous fat Flemish drunkard (who’m I’ve actually auditioned to play). How many times have I auditioned for characters destined to be the butt of a joke, just because I wear plus size clothes? So many. Too many.
It’s time to get past the fat tropes and complicate “fat”. It’s not a state of being, a character defect or a joke. It’s a medical condition that needs attention and also compassion. My takeaway from all of this is that “fatness” doesn’t preclude happiness. You have a right to be happy, fat or thin. However, we each have to claim and create space for our happiness. Part of happiness is treating ourselves well, no matter how others speak about us. The word “fat” needs complicating and compassion at the same time.
I wish you a fun, happy Fat Tuesday–fat with joy, fat with happiness, fat with hope that the best is yet to come. Celebrate you, who are you are now, today.
One of the biggest and most persistent criticisms of the body positivity movement is the notion that it promotes obesity and in turn, poor health. Yes, there are strong correlations of high BMIs with heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes and even depression. “Fat and happy” is often a myth.
The reason that I am strongly body positive is that I want to feel good about myself as I make lifestyle changes that support my overall health. I have always had a higher BMI. “Skinny” is not in my genes, but “healthy” can be in my habits and my choices.
To that end, I want to remind women everywhere that February is Heart Health Month. Heart disease the leading cause of death for women, according to the FDA.
According to the FDA, heart attacks manifest differently in women than in men:
The signs of a heart attack can be different for women than they are for men.
Heavy ache in your chest or back between your shoulder blades
Sharp pain in your upper body
Shortness of breath
Breaking out in a cold sweat
Unusual or unexplained tiredness
Feeling dizzy or light-headed
Feeling sick to your stomach
You can have a heart attack without experiencing chest pain or pressure. Women may also experience back pain, jaw pain, shortness of breath, indigestion, and nausea or vomiting.
Whether you’re lithe or voluptuous, ladies, please schedule a heart check up if you haven’t had one in awhile. That saying that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is true. You only have one heart. Take care of it for a long, healthy life.
Note: These Botero-inspired, body positive fashion images are NSFW. They are also not safe for preserving outmoded paradigms of what a woman’s body should be.
We are born naked and when we die, our bodies are stripped, examined and prepared for burial. Between birth and death, we are contextualized and classified by fashion. It is our nakedness that is universal and transcendent. It is fashion that gives us a sense of time, space and place. Fashion changes. That’s its nature. Our nakedness does not change.
So much of fashion for women revolves around hiding, camouflaging, binding, masking and correcting flaws. Many of those flaws even become fashionable after a time. What’s considered beautiful to one generation is horrifying to another. Binding of the feet, whalebone corsets, and obligatory shape wear are all examples of how we try to minimize women even in the space that they take up in their physical, tangible life. We do this in the name of beauty and glamour, but the tacit message is that a woman is not allowed to take up too much space and must expect to suffer as part of daily life as a matter, of course, to be acceptable to those around her. Wallis Simpson’s famous quip, “You can never be too rich or too thin,” has stayed with women long after her death.
Idealized images of the female form have been around since humans began the endeavor of making art but over time, our ideas of what a woman should be and could be have grown smaller and smaller. Would the Venus of Willendorf be considered gorgeous today if we saw her living, nude, in the flesh?
Siegfried Kracauer famously said, “The photograph annihilates the person.” Indeed, we live in an age of hyper-inundation of images. The average American sees 4,000 to 10,000 ads per day, many of aspirational models portraying fictionalized situations rather than actual people living actual lives. Kracauer also said,”…what appears in the photograph is not the person but the sum of what can be subtracted from him or her.” People are reduced to objects, things, ideas, sales pitches, and talking points instead of subjectivities. The average woman has been annihilated in this unrelenting tide of over-processed, idealized imagery of unobtainable standards.
Is body positivity just having a moment? Is it fashionable? Or is body comfort, body positivity, and body acceptance something that we can reclaim as women? Is fashion having a fat fetish moment or can we truly embrace women of all sizes? Can we truly and whole-heartedly say all sizes and shapes are deserving of being clothed well?
These photographs are deeply informed by Fernando Botero’s oeuvre. Botero often imagined bodies as round and full, comic even at times, as opposed to clean lines and hard, harsh angles. Can we too have a full circle moment? Is it possible to enjoy looking at many different types of body types in photography and allow for their subjectivity?
We privilege chiseled perfectly toned, perfectly controlled bodies. This is what we hold up as the ideal. This is what advertisers sell to us. This is what so many women suffer for— trying to prove that they are in control of their lives by being in control of their bodies. It’s about proving to the world if you are indeed control of your own life. The sad history is, that even today, with remarkable freedoms for women, not all women have equal access to those freedoms. We are not always in control of our bodies at all times, all over the world.
Nakedness is also vulnerability. You’re not hiding, you’re not distracting, and you’re not camouflaged. You’re there with all your rolls, pooches, all your stretch marks, all your cellulite, freckles, and moles. Forty percent of American women are obese. That’s a large minority. Instead of pressuring these women to be more in control, to work harder, to do better, perhaps we should unbind our thinking. Perhaps we should drop our whalebone thought corsets and make fashion compassionate. Let’s be seen, heard and accepted as we are.
According to the American Psychological Association, women are twice as likely to report that they’re stressed and then men. Instead of gouging women’s pain points as a means to sell them things, it would be far more effective to extend the everyday woman the compassion she deserves, whether she’s a size 6 or size 16 or a size 26.
Instead of belaboring whether a woman is visually attractive or sexy, it’s far more important to help every woman find what’s within her that’s attractive, vibrant, sexy and alive. That’s why body positivity is so important–not to make the range of what we find sexy and sexual bigger, literally, but to help people feel better about themselves in the world that often undermines our mental and emotional health and our well-being in the name of profit.
When I was in 3rd grade, I broke my left arm. I fell off a swing backwards on the playground and snapped my left ulna. The bone was set properly. It seemed to heal quickly.
Flash forward a few decades, it’s giving me trouble when I do Wheel Pose during yoga. I’ve had an on-again, off-again relationship with yoga. I’ve settled into a steady yin and restorative regimen. I’ve always loved Wheel Pose. I made an ambitious goal. I was going to practice Wheel Pose every day.
It seems the old injury has come back. I can’t get up into wheel everyday. My left ulna needs a rest for a day and then it will cooperate the next day. It took me a week or two to figure out why this was. And then I remembered my elementary school swing incident.
Healing is an ongoing process. Long after the cast comes off, long after you’ve done talk therapy, you may still have flare ups from an old wound, whether the wound is physical or emotional. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to say, “not today”. It doesn’t make you less than.
It seems my left forearm needs my patience. If I force myself into the position, it hurts. How often have we forced something that ended up hurting ourselves or another? Probably more often than we’d like to admit. We’re often told to toughen up, feel the pain, push past it or get on with it. That’s not how we heal. We heal by listening. We heal by respecting our boundaries and limits. Right now, I have three limbs that are consistently ready to do the Wheel. My back appreciates the stretch too. My left arm needs a little coaxing and permission to back off when its too much.
Compassion for yourself is trusting your process–even if its decades-long.
Yi is a Chinese multimedia artist who has lived in Rome from the age of eight and studied between London and Paris with degrees in Political Science and Economics. Her innovative work has been shown at Shanghai Biennale, Venice Biennal, Sundance Film Festival and Cannes Film Festival. Global in reach, she founded her creative strategy digital production company, Yi Zhou Studio, in Shanghai and Hong Kong. In late 2017, she brought her creative vision to LA as a strategic partner of Cinemoi Network, Royal Yacht. She is currently developing her first feature film as writer and director.
I had the privilege of meeting Yi through What Women Want Show about a year ago as she was preparing her Fred Segal show. I was extremely impressed by Yi’s drive, ambition and poise. Yi’s brand is called Global Intuition and I can see why. Working with Yi, she has a global outlook and also a strong sense of what makes others look and feel good. My shoot with Yi was fun, collaborative and inspiring.
Here’s your first look–Body Positive and Bubbles!
Yi and I discussed what intuition is and why it’s important for women, and really everyone, to trust their intuition . Intuition seems to power much of what she does and how she works.
Video Courtesy of Yi Zhou, Global Intuition
My biggest take away from spending time with Yi this week was that joy and intuition make everything we do better! If you bring a joyful heart to whatever you are doing, and trust your hunches, you can accomplish so much. Trust your intution and let your joy bubble over!
We have to embody the world we want to see. If we want less hate, less judgment and more compassion, then we have to hug more. We have to smile more. We have to shake hands more.
Sometimes, though, it’s hard to be “in” our bodies. Our society privileges the mental and we become mental. We experience a trauma and we numb out. Our emotions rattle us. We want an escape from pain, instead of just feeling the pain and moving through it. It’s hard to embody our ideals of love and compassion when it’s just hard to be in our bodies.
Yesterday, I was in an unfamiliar part of town and due to some circumstances beyond my control, I spent some extra time in the neighborhood, so I decided to get a massage to make use of the time. Like I’ve mentioned in some of my prior posts, I’ve been dealing with big girl life stuff and I am still carrying a great deal of tension. It shows up in my body. Even though I have a regular meditation regimen and a decent exercise regimen, my pent up stress, like me, is stubborn. Getting a massage gives me the opportunity to understand what stress my body is still holding onto.
A valued person in my life told me that I was the most sensitive person he knew and that I did a great job of hiding how sensitive I actually am. I didn’t get what he meant until yesterday, when as I was getting the massage a flood of thoughts and images, some not fun and relaxing, danced in my brain.
Ultimately, we have to embody self-forgivenesss and self-acceptance and self-love. I have to forgive myself for the mistakes I put my body through. I have to accept who I am today–not try and revivify or reconstruct who I was ten years ago. I have to love my injuries, both emotional and physical, enough to heal them.
One of the tasks of an actor is to embody a character. Not all humans walk and talk the same way. Not everyone holds tension in the same place. Not everyone has the same center of gravity. The ancient Greeks created a whole theory of personalities based on bodily awareness. Chekhov, one of the greats of the acting world, thought every human being has a “leading center” of their body, from which their urges and actions come from.
I am still learning where my actions and urges come from and that’s because it’s my business, literally, as an actor to do so. As we live and experience, our character is shaped and re-shaped hopefully for the better. Have you checked in with your body? What are you embodying?
When was the last time you thoroughly enjoyed something, fully present, with abandon? So many of us would have a hard time identifying a moment, simply because we’re mired in work and doing and being stressed out. Are you guilty? I am!
In the new year, I’m making my pleasure a priority. What’s giving me life? What’s feeding my spirit? What gives me joy? All of those things are my priorities right now. Too often, as we starve ourselves of calories, we also starve ourselves of plain old fun. Do something fun for the sake of doing it. See how you feel.
We should be on a steady diet of fun and love! What is life without the pleasures of life? This week, I challenge you to make a list of 100 things that give you pleasure and if you can’t fill that list up, discover 100 things that give you joy. I’ll share parts of mine soon!
I’ve been talking more lately, and not because I’ve been feeling chatty. I’ve realized how much I’ve kept under wraps and repressed to keep the peace and to just get along. Frankly, it’s one of the worst things I’ve ever done to myself. Silencing myself has been a huge burden. I’ve been grieving. I’ve been healing. I’ve been shouldering some difficult situations that don’t have easy answers.
There’s a lot of good too, but I’ve realized in the past week that not all silence is golden. Not all silence heals. Sometimes, you have tell someone what you feel. We all want to “look our best” at the expense of feeling our best and fessing up that there may be some issues.
One of the biggest things on my mind and my heart this week is remembering Fortuna. She was diagnosed this time last year of renal lymphoma and in April, almost four months to the day later, she died. Her death and issues around her death had me in a deep state of shock and denial. I told few people she had actually passed. I loved her so much and I couldn’t speak about her without being immobilized by grief, pain and anger. Cancer is a cruel disease and some of the circumstances I dealt with peripherally didn’t help either. I’ve been having a fundraiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to help raise funds for research to help both people and pets who are suffering from this rare disease. I still tear up each time I post about the fundraiser. It’s okay. Better a thousand tears than a mess of hardened, bottled up feelings.
Tuna was naturally very expressive. She always would tell you what she wanted. You didn’t have to guess. She was not coy. She didn’t hide what she thought. So much of what is hurtful and damaging grows in silence. We don’t acknowledge something someone said or did hurt and then it just becomes part of us somehow. My silence magnified my pain. I was getting harder and harsher as time went by because I was really angry. I was angry at cancer for killing her and turned some of that anger on myself.
I am doing better now. The tears are still there, but the what-ifs or what-could-I-have-done-betters are now mostly gone. I got to a point of surrender–and if you know me, surrender is not an easy thing. I’m used to winning.. I expect myself to overcome. The word “surrender” is not a go-to for me, but it has been lately. I’ve surrendered some of my pain, some of my angst by talking about it. Talking about her life and her suffering has helped heal some of mine.
If you have something that’s burdening you, please get some help. “Suffering in silence” may seem noble, but it can hurt too. It can make your pain greater. We all have problems to face and once you get in the habit of airing them out, the problems become more manageable.
Silence is not always golden, but the love in our hearts is. Speaking from the heart, even when it’s inconvenient, will always serve you better than pushing your feelings down. I miss Tuna every day. I miss her honest green eyes. She not only saw people; she saw through them. I miss they way she chewed my hair. I missed her demanding things of me as a matter of course. Today and every day, ask you if your attitude of “put up and shut up” is really serving you, or if you may be hiding something you really need to heal. Today, I am still healing from my loss of Tuna.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for caring.
That was one of my biggest lessons and pains in the last two years. What other people think of me doesn’t matter. It’s hard to get people to change their opinions or what they think they “know”. At the end of the day, what you think of you matters, because that’s the springboard of change. Only you can change you. No one’s opinion is going to change you.
Too often, we’re weighed down emotionally by other’s opinions. And most people’s opinions are only partially informed at best, and too often, projections of their own insecurity at worst.
Most of of my life has been an act of translation. I’m left handed, so I learned early how to adapt. I know what to use my left hand for and what to use my right hand for. Even in my adulthood though, I’m flexible enough to experiment. Last week I learned that eating with my right hand slows me down and that helps me to take more time to enjoy what I’m eating.
People’s opinions still matter to me, but they matter less. What used to mortify me now just annoys me. People’s attempts to shame stick less. Opinions are like assholes–everyone has one. That doesn’t mean you have to show it to everyone. After a lot of opinions from a lot of assholes, you realize that no one has a unique opinion. Opinions and biases are shared, for better and worse.
It’s a long road to get out of the approval trap, to seek fulfillment in lieu of validation. You may not always do everything “right”.
Everything may not be the “way it’s supposed to be” or ideal. Ideals aren’t real. The reality of you is so much important that the ideas you want others to have of you.
Try to be kind to yourself and be flexible. Adapt to your needs, not someone else’s projection of what you could or should be.
How often do we say that to ourselves, “If only I had____,” or “If only _________would happen”?
Today is the day to stop waiting for something or someone. There are no ideal circumstances. Most of life is dusted with a bit of chaos. It’s how we respond to the chaos and the fragmentation that’s important.
It’s not about being saccharine or blindly optimistic. It’s about owning what’s your’s–your issues and concerns–and not carrying what doesn’t belong to you. You can’t control what other people think or feel. You can control who you hang out with, how you spend your time, etc.
Today, choose some happiness for yourself. For me this is trying a new cheese, butterkase. Yes, it sounds a bit decadent. I hope it is. I saw it in the sales bin and took a small sample home. I love cheese, but I also love the adventure of trying something new, something atypical–tasting a different culture. I may not be ready this moment to hop a plane to Europe and sample some fromage, but I can still trek to my grocery store for a little adventure.
This may sound cheesy, but so often we get into ruts–the same old, same old–and that causes us some unhappiness. Life gets blah…That’s when it’s time to try something new and it doesn’t have to be big…it could be as small as piece of gourmet cheese.
So often, food causes us stress and unhappiness. We treat food as the enemy. We buy into draconian eating do-s and don’ts that suck the joy out of eating. Frankly, we are so privileged–we have more food than ever, little risk of famine and we still manage to take the joy out of eating.
We need to replace our “if only-s” with “what if-s”. That opens up so much more possibility and frankly, fun! Happiness is choice. Don’t wait on your happiness. Choose it today and everyday.